So it’s been a few weeks of me missing from the site but hey!I’m back and I have missed this ‘home’. I have gone through most posts by my followers and boy has it been interesting:).
This past few weeks have been crazy with work and my personal life but it’s been good. One thing that stood out like a sore thumb was how single I am. I am still not sure if that’s a bad or a good thing but I’ll lean in more towards it being a good thing:). In the meantime, I’ll tell how being single is for a Kenyan adulting female is.
I have been single for quite a while now. When I broke up with my ex boyfriend from my last relationship, I was devastated, like any other person would have been. I sunk into depression abit..didn’t eat for days,slept for long hours, didn’t want to leave the house. My bestfriend though(God bless her eternally) took my hand, cleaned my ass up and I was fresh and ready to live a happy single life after a few weeks. Being freshly single, I did most of the things I had missed out on..I went out more often, had shots with friends, spent more time with them. It was and has been fun. I have been happy.
Months down the line, most of my friends have gotten into relationships and third wheeling is my new forte. I usually don’t mind but sometimes,it gets to you. I am lucky if I can get a girlfriend to go out for happy hour with me.
I have gone on a few dates, seen a couple of people..sometimes even felt like there’s a future with some of them. Thing is though, looking at me now as a single woman, I am a happier version of myself than I was 2 years ago. I was young…my friends had cool boyfriends..They took them out, bought them gifts, they looked happy. I on the other hand,was single, no “cool” guys hitting on me. Usually it was the kind of guys who i’d never date and sometimes I cried myself to sleep because i thought I was never good enough..not beautiful enough.
I live in a society and environment where our men prefer the brown/light skin girls. Big or small,if they’re light skinned,they get the man. Its their version of beautiful. I am a dark skin young woman but at that time,as a young girl still desperate for attention, my self esteem was damaged. I thought myself not beautiful and so I tried to make up for it in other ways. Buying better clothes, wearing higher heels, putting on more makeup just to look better. I cooked meals I hadn’t tried myself for the guys who came visiting, took them out and paid the bills just to make them see that I can be a “good” girlfriend.
I went overboard…being the wife when I’ve not even gotten the girlfriend title. I didn’t think I was beautiful. I didn’t have long hair, shapely hips and butt, and I thought my squinty eyes and smile to be the worst aspects of myself. I cried myself to sleep many nights because as expected, it didn’t work. I still didn’t get the good guys I wanted in the long term. The ones I got just wanted to hit and run, and that just tabbed my ego and stamped my esteem further.
Two years later and I’m the complete opposite of that. I have learnt to accept myself for who I am and love myself for it. I spent more time doing more constructive things..reading books, watching movies.. working on improving my academics and career..eventually going out more often and just like that I started attracting the right kind of guys for the right reasons. The parts I thought were the worst aspects of mine are now the best. I sometimes even forget my scheduled dates.(not a good thing though!)
People ask me why I am single and I never have a good answer for that. Even I myself don’t know why😂. I asked a friend of mine recently why he’d say I’m single and this is what he said: “You’re a beautiful woman N. You have everything a man would want but you look like the kind of woman who’d kick a man out of your house in the middle of the night if he tries to play mind games with you. We are scared of that..” and that led to a whole other conversation of why a man would want to play mind games but that’s not for today😅 but that’s not entirely false you know 😅
Thing is…I may be considered a strong young lady but it’s not so bad. I miss having those long conversations with a man I call my own, have small stupid fights,even big ones..Go out for dinners and mini lunch dates…do stuff together, but also,I like to be on my own. I like going on random roadtrips with friends,not having to worry about explaining why my phone went off and his calls unanswered. Why I want to read a book for 3hrs undisturbed instead of watching a movie.
So the Kenyanadultingfemale is at a loss. Single and ready to mingle….Or Not😛