Featured

The Beginning of the Beginning😅

..To new and unknown ventures☕

Sooooo…finally,i start my own blog.Lord knows i have wanted to do this for a while now and i have been postponing for almost an year now😅 but we’re here now.

This blog will have no specific topics to talk about,just stories of my life..sort of a journal. I’ve been doing this on paper but a friend of mine(Hey Benjie😘) asked me to try this out..writing them online. And so I did. You can expect anything from this blog…from stories that get you cracked up and rolling on the ground,to some that will make you judge me(like what in the world were you thinking) and others that might get you depressed…but hold up,I don’t think my life is that sad😂

Please don’t expect regular updates,I can be a lazy   ass  and also just maybe I haven’t had any interesting stories to share,lol

Anyway, that’s just about it..Let’s see how we(me and this baby) do😊😊

Cheers!!

Single And Ready to Mingle..Or not.

Hi Guys!

So it’s been a few weeks of me missing from the site but hey!I’m back and I have missed this ‘home’. I have gone through most posts by my followers and boy has it been interesting:).

This past few weeks have been crazy with work and my personal life but it’s been good. One thing that stood out like a sore thumb was how single I am. I am still not sure if that’s a bad or a good thing but I’ll lean in more towards it being a good thing:). In the meantime, I’ll tell how being single is for a Kenyan adulting female is.

I have been single for quite a while now. When I broke up with my ex boyfriend from my last relationship, I was devastated, like any other person would have been. I sunk into depression abit..didn’t eat for days,slept for long hours, didn’t want to leave the house. My bestfriend though(God bless her eternally) took my hand, cleaned my ass up and I was fresh and ready to live a happy single life after a few weeks. Being freshly single, I did most of the things I had missed out on..I went out more often, had shots with friends, spent more time with them. It was and has been fun. I have been happy.

Months down the line, most of my friends have gotten into relationships and third wheeling is my new forte. I usually don’t mind but sometimes,it gets to you. I am lucky if I can get a girlfriend to go out for happy hour with me. 

I have gone on a few dates, seen a couple of people..sometimes even felt like there’s a future with some of them. Thing is though, looking at me now as a single woman, I am a happier version of myself than I was 2 years ago. I was young…my friends had cool boyfriends..They took them out, bought them gifts, they looked happy. I on the other hand,was single, no “cool” guys hitting on me. Usually it was the kind of guys who i’d never date and sometimes I cried myself to sleep because i thought I was never good enough..not beautiful enough.

I live in a society and environment where our men prefer the brown/light skin girls. Big or small,if they’re light skinned,they get the man. Its their version of beautiful. I am a dark skin young woman but at that time,as a young girl still desperate for attention, my self esteem was damaged. I thought myself not beautiful and so I tried to make up for it in other ways. Buying better clothes, wearing higher heels, putting on more makeup just to look better. I cooked meals I hadn’t tried myself for the guys who came visiting, took them out and paid the bills just to make them see that I can be a “good” girlfriend. 

I went overboard…being the wife when I’ve not even gotten the girlfriend title. I didn’t think I was beautiful. I didn’t have long hair, shapely hips and butt, and I thought my squinty eyes and smile to be the worst aspects of myself. I cried myself to sleep many nights because as expected, it didn’t work. I still didn’t get the good guys I wanted in the long term. The ones I got just wanted to hit and run, and that just tabbed my ego and stamped my esteem further.

Two years later and I’m the complete opposite of that. I have learnt to accept myself for who I am and love myself for it. I spent more time doing more constructive things..reading books, watching movies.. working on improving my academics and career..eventually going out more often and just like that I started attracting the right kind of guys for the right reasons. The parts I thought were the worst aspects of mine are now the best. I sometimes even forget my scheduled dates.(not a good thing though!)

People ask me why I am single and I never have a good answer for that. Even I myself don’t know why😂. I asked a friend of mine recently why he’d say I’m single and this is what he said: “You’re a beautiful woman N. You have everything a man would want but you look like the kind of woman who’d kick a man out of your house in the middle of the night if he tries to play mind games with you. We are scared of that..” and that led to a whole other conversation of why a man would want to play mind games but that’s not for today😅 but that’s not entirely false you know 😅

Thing is…I may be considered a strong young lady but it’s not so bad. I miss having those long conversations with a man I call my own, have small stupid fights,even big ones..Go out for dinners and mini lunch dates…do stuff together, but also,I like to be on my own. I like going on random roadtrips with friends,not having to worry about explaining why my phone went off and his calls unanswered. Why I want to read a book for 3hrs undisturbed instead of watching a movie. 

So the Kenyanadultingfemale is at a loss. Single and ready to mingle….Or Not😛

Sense And Sensuality

…Today,everything is evolving .Sex even…

I’m guessing by now you already know what this blog post will be about!Sex!

Earlier, I was hanging out with a female friend/colleague of mine and somehow the conversation drifted off to us talking about sex. My colleague, let’s call her Kate, On face value, she’s a sweet and shy young lady. She’d perfectly fall into the “good girl” category. I on the other hand, I have been told countless times that I am not the “good girl” kind and that I look like I have tried all the drugs in this world😂..Tough Love!

Anyway, at some point we started describing what fantasies we have and boy did the sweet and shy Kate I have known all this while disappear in the blink of an eye and in her place came out a wild and sexy vixen that I could not recognise. I actually had to tap her to make sure I’m talking to the same Kate I came to have happy hour cocktails with, lol.

Next question I asked was, if she had told her boyfriend of any of these fantasies and she said No. Why I ask, and she said it’s because her boyfriend has created this image of her already that she’s not sure of  how he would react if she decided to reveal her deepest and darkest desires. Would he keep an open mind all through..Would he judge her…would he leave her for a more “decent” woman maybe? And that got me thinking, this is the same boat some of us are in.

There are just a few of us who can actually stand and claim to have open minded boyfriends/husbands/wives/girlfriends. A small percentage who can actually go and tell their partner that they want to try something they saw or read and they would accept and be open to try it. 

Relationships and Marriages are a beautiful thing. Some work, some don’t but at the end of the day, our partners have a version of us that they know and have gotten used to. They know what we like or prefer and what we don’t..bringing a new “updated” version of ourselves to the table will either welcome appreciation or rejection and most people are afraid of the latter. They’d rather sit and conceal their desires like my friend,Kate.This is sad.

This has led to so many more affairs and cheating episodes. So many extra attachments outside our existing marriages/relationships. I don’t judge,especially for the married folk..some argue that it’s gotten abit stale and they need to spice things up abit..they’re looking for a little excitement. I would not speak about that because I haven’t been married before.

The young guys in relationships and engagements though..imagine how exciting it would be if you tried to talk to your partner and Actually experiencing some of these things with them..Imagine having a partner who can tell you anything and everything about their desires without the fear of you judging them and vice versa. Imagine looking into your partner’s eyes and seeing how bare they’re letting you see them by laying out their deepest desires…

Imagine being the person who makes your partner happy by feeding their fantasies or making it possible for them to do so.Imagine yourself  thinking about how much your partner loves and trusts you enough to let you in their safe haven.

All that though…would require you to have and keep an open mind. Some of our fantasies are crazy and may be out of our personal bounds but what do you lose by actually saying that and listening to your partner? Nothing. In any case,you get to gain their trust even more.

Everything is evolving in this day and age. Sex even! So there’s always going to be a new thing we or the other person wants to try. It’s like getting an updated version of our sexual  desires,lol.

Let’s try keep up with ourselves..get a few Kates’ out of this boat of concealed desires and fantasies.


Wine..Dine…69??

Saturday,2247hrs GMT

Phone rings..Caller ID-Unknown(random number)

Trucaller says it’s “George”….”but I don’t know any George” I think to myself.

Usually,I do not and never pick numbers that I do not know,but on this night,I picked up.I think I picked up because I was curious and also,i was abit lonely and looking for company to go out for drinks with(what we call,sponsors for the night😂)

“Hi” I proceed to greet the stranger on the other end.

“Heyy,How are you,how have you been?” The voice answers back.

“Uhh, I’m well,been alright,thanks.Sorry,who am I speaking to?”

“It’s G!”

“G???”..at this point my mind is racing trying to remember what the Alphabet letters stood for.G for Giraffe..Gazelle.. Geography maybe!!but hey,I couldn’t be talking to a Giraffe or a Gazelle right?

Guys!! If i ever ask who you are the second time.. it’s because I still don’t know who it is!!Yess I have forgotten you exist and it’s not my fault if we haven’t talked for 221 million years!!(see what I did there 😅😂)

“George..Asha’s friend??” He tries to remind me.

“Ohhhh,yeahhh!!!!”…”Dear Lord!!How long has it been?a year yet?” I try to be nice:)

“Haha!C’mon!It can’t be that long……”

(Wait.. what?!!Are you trying to say that I am suffering from dementia..or is it amnesia..or both.I have forgotten your name-and face btw-and you dare imply we last met last week,boy bye!)

“……Anyway,I was thinking maybe I could take you out for dinner or drinks.Catch up??”

“Uuhhh…Yeah,sounds nice..When?”

“…I was thinking tonight…..”

At this point,I laugh…So hard..Harder than I should’ve!

“Umm..G,Sorry but I can’t.I have an early start tomorrow”

If you know me well you know that there’s never an early Sunday for me..ever😂But this was a booty call!!And not today Satan!!Not with Him atleast!!With an older Kenyan Jaden Smith,Maybe 😅

People,help me here. It’s 11pm..if I was to get ready in the shortest time,it would be by 11.30pm..Pick me up/Call an uber…Meet at Midnight.Where in this country are you taking me to Dinner at Midnight..not unless it’s the 24hrs Altona and Mc’Frys,and it’s not that I don’t eat at fast food joints..I dooo actually,more than people know😅(they’re my I’m broke but I want chicken go to places) but there’s no way I’m getting out of my very comfortable happy socks to go out and “catch up” with someone I haven’t met and talked to for close to 6months over Altona’s Chicken and Chips.Happy Socks win this time!

Unfortunately though,this is what is ‘normal’ in this day and age.People are more comfortable calling at hours between 11pm and 2am to “say hi” and “ask you out”. Gone are the days when before a couple officially started dating,they’d go out to a nice intimate restaurant and actually get to know each other with no distractions.Nowadays,hell, you’re a lucky one if he buys you a smokie with totally no strings attached*rolls eyes*.These days,a few flirty text messages and winky kiss emojis and bam!you got the girl wrapped up on your finger.A simple “you’re beautiful” compliment once in two weeks is enough for adulting girls to settle and feel loved.

Men are making less and less effort to get the girls and us adulting women(lol) are settling for less and less.Those who are actually going an extra mile and going to fancy dates,fancy restaurants,feel like they’re in heaven for that moment in time when they should always be in heaven

Once,a guy asked to take me out to my favorite restaurant..and it was a fine dining restaurant(still is!)We had a great time,Great meals..amazing banter,Fine and expensive wine.. dessert and the like.We had agreed that he would drop me off at my place after the date,but he started being sexually suggestive..which is normal and okay up until he suggested that “I should be nice” to him since “he was nice to me” by taking me out,Lol.

Which begs the question…Do you really have to wine,dine then 69 today?Today being 21st century

My 2c: No you don’t.There are some really nice Gentlemen and women doing stuff for the other person and the only strings attached are to see them happy.Genuine Affection.

We just have to stop settling and start self loving. Stop the urban wine,dine and 69 and start Wine,Dine and Repeating:)